22 Oct The Paradox of Old Grandmotherly Affection
The Art of Harmony explained through the story of Zen master Linji and His Teacher Huangbo
In my Dharma Talks, I sometimes use stories about Zen masters from long ago. One such story is about Zen master Linji (died in 866) and his teacher, Huangbo. One day, Linji, an eager student, approached Huangbo with a question about the essence of Zen. Before Linji could finish his question, Huangbo struck him with a stick. This seemingly harsh act happened each time Linji approached his teacher with this question, leaving him confused and ready to leave the monastery and his master.
Before leaving, he sought counsel from another teacher, Dayu, who asked him why he was leaving. Linji shared his experiences, and Dayu, understanding the true intent behind Huangbo’s actions, advised Linji to return and continue learning. Linji followed this advice, and upon his return, he had a breakthrough that led to his enlightenment. Huangbo’s seemingly harsh methods were, in fact, expressions of deep care and dedication to Linji’s spiritual growth.
“Before Linji could finish his question, Huangbo struck him with a stick.”
This rough way of answering by Huangbo was not what it seemed; it was a deep expression of what is known in Zen as “grandmotherly affection”.
The Term “Grandmotherly Affection”
This term is used in Zen to describe a deep, often paradoxical form of care. At first glance, it might seem harsh, even cruel, but its underlying intent is to awaken and liberate. Just as a grandmother might discipline her grandchild to protect them from harm, a Zen master may use seemingly harsh methods to shock the student and liberate them from their own concepts, illusions, or beliefs. This form of affection is not about comfort, but about the ultimate well-being of the student.
To be honest, it is not in my first nature to act in this way.
When Linji sought to understand Zen, Huangbo’s strikes were not meant to punish but to teach. Each blow was a call to awaken, to see beyond the superficial and delve into the deep truth of existence. Linji’s confusion and frustration were part of the process, a necessary friction that eventually led to his enlightenment.
The Thin Line Between ANGER and Affection
For me, I try to relate every book or story I read or hear to my own life, considering what it can teach me in my day-to-day life. The story of Linji and Huangbo highlights a very interesting aspect of grandmotherly affection: the thin line between anger or aggression and affection. From the outside, Huangbo’s actions could easily be seen as mere rudeness. However, the intent behind those actions was rooted in deep compassion and a desire to guide Linji towards enlightenment.
It is an invitation to look beyond superficial appearances and distinguish the underlying intent. In many ways, this mirrors the complexities of our relationships. Often, what appears as aggression may come from a place of care, just as apparent kindness may sometimes hide concealed motives.
The Invitation to Awareness
This paradox invites introspection. To examine my responses to others’ actions and, more importantly, my own motivations. Am I reacting to perceived aggression without understanding the underlying affection? Are my own actions rooted in genuine care, even if they are misunderstood? Do I try to conceal my angry reactions and present them as grandmotherly affection?
The story of Linji shows that true understanding requires looking beyond what is superficially obvious. It takes Courage (with a capital C) to be able to look into myself to see clearly my real motives. It is about cultivating a deeper inner awareness and becoming more attuned to the subtleties of human interaction.
The Art of Harmony
Harmony arises from this awareness. It is about finding a balance between being compassionate and firm, between offering comfort and challenging growth. This balance is the essence of grandmotherly affection and is very important for personal development and for building genuine connections with others. Harmony is not always about softness and kindness; grandmotherly affection can be very harmonious too.
Can you see?
Meet one of my ‘Grandmothers’
Practicing Chi Kung next to the tree on the picture of this blog reminded me about this grandmotherly affection. The tree feels a bit like a grandmother to me. It might sound a bit strange, but when I stand next to her in one of the postures of Zhan Zhuang (Chi kung), she seems to be happy to practice together. To be ‘standing like a tree’ together. But she really makes sure to let me feel the difference in quality of her practice and mine. In a grandmotherly way, she lets me know when to adjust my posture. She is much better at it. Easy to admit!